Birth During Covid-19

I know there are a lot of pregnant people out there who are really worried about giving birth during the pandemic. I want to say to those people that you are right to be concerned. And, still, you can do this. You’ll be ok. I am a rabbi and a doula, specializing in bringing Jewish spirituality and practice into the birth experience. For some, just focusing on getting that baby out is enough. If that’s you, feel free to stop reading right here a grab a virgin margarita. But if you think engaging with some spiritual practice might help, read on.

When I was giving birth (pre-pandemic), I found myself reaching out for Jewish music, poems, liturgy as a comfort and as a way to ground myself. Every hospital and birthing place right now comes with its own rules, but for the majority one can only bring along one support person. This might be a partner, a family member, or a doula. Some people even have to give birth alone. In many cases, your medical support team will be reduced during this time. So, you might be looking for company and guidance. Jewish sources can provide some of that! So much of birth prep is about forging a connection between mind and body. The following tips add a spiritual dimension so that you can prepare for the birth you want, and have the tools to keep focused and grounded no matter what happens in the moment. Wishing you a wonderful, meaningful, empowering birth experience!

Here are some concrete ideas:

  1. Find a spiritual focal point: During labor/birth, people often choose a point to focus on. This could be something visual (a piece of art or an object of significance). It helps focus the mind, helps you get control of your breath, and anchors you as you move through the sensations of labor. For me, I chose birth art by the Jewish feminist artist Judy Chicago as my focal point (I printed out/photocopied some images in advance and had them in my birth bag). It let me concentrate on something outside myself and connected me with my tradition and the many women in my culture who have come before me.

  2. .Create a sheet of blessings, prayers, psalms, affirmations that are spiritually significant to you. Part of what I offer my clients is sources for these blessings and affirmations, but you can collect these yourself as well. Traditional examples include Psalm 126, associated with birth due to the verse “Those who sow in tears will reap in joy.” Psalm 118 which begins “Out of the narrow place I called upon God, who answered me in spaciousness” has been paraphrased in Yiddish and recast as a tkhine [prayer or devotion for Jewish women] for childbirth. I also chose affirmations like “I can do this; my body knows what to do.” You can do a little reading, find some blessings or affirmations that work for you, and have your partner/birthing coach practice saying some of them so that they can offer these to you when needed. You may wish to create signs or posters of some of them to hang up in the birthing room/space.

  3. Find a song from your culture that you find beautiful and meaningful. I used “The Whole World is a Narrow Bridge” or, in Hebrew, “Kol Ha’olam Kulo Gesher Tsar Me’od.” Have this easily accessible on your phone and the phone of your partner/birth coach. Perhaps create a playlist of several such songs.

  4. Practice visualizations in pregnancy that you can use in labour. These visualizations have to do with the cultural values you hope to instil in the child being born. There is a Jewish midrash (story) that babies learn Torah (bible) in the womb. Create a visualization around this or any other image.

  5. Send love out. One Jewish tradition I really love is to use the time when you are in labor to send blessings or thoughts of healing to others. It can be easy to focus on the sensations you’re experiencing, but it might help to focus outwards. In Judaism, when we extend such a blessing, we usually name the person and that person’s mother. Motherhood/parenthood is about becoming a life-long caregiver and so the practice begins during labor when you extend thoughts or prayers or healing vibes to someone else. Some pregnant people create a list of those who need healing to bring into their birth room. Especially now, this might be a powerful way of connecting with others outside you.

Remember the strength and power of the Jewish matriarchs, all of whose birth stories we know from traditional text. Think of the many matriarchs who all went through labor to bear not only their own children, but our people. You can do this.

When someone is pregnant we wish them “b’sha’ah tovah” meaning may the baby come at a good time. You might be feeling like this is not, in fact, a great time to be having a baby. But consider the hope new life provides when there is sickness and suffering. Every birth is a blessing, including yours. Every birthing person is a hero, especially now.

If you want help creating a Jewish-inspired birth plan, feel free to reach out. And remember, you can do this. Your body knows what to do.

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Passover and Birth — Or, Spiritual Strength During a Pandemic

Passover is a holiday that celebrates freedom

This is a difficult time to be pregnant. I know there are changing rules about who can be on your support team and some folks are birthing by themselves, with very limited medical or other support. I wanted to write this message as we approach the holiday of Passover to offer strength and solace to pregnant people and their partners right now.

This is your wilderness. Welcome. It’s a beautiful and difficult and rewarding journey.

The Exodus story is about people fighting for freedom and then wandering through a wilderness until they get “delivered” to the Promised Land. You are, right now, engaged in a kind of wandering through the wilderness, as we all explore new terrain for best practices for birth during a pandemic. The baby will be seeking a passage to “freedom,” joining us here in our world. And we often speak of babies as being “delivered” too.

Remember the women who came before you.

The Exodus story starts with a birth. Yocheved, Moses’ mother, is being attended by two skilled midwives, Shifrah and Puah. They know they are to kill the first born child of this woman, but they do not. They resist. Moses is delivered (or caught) by these two brave women and then handed to his mother. Even later when he is being raised in the Pharoah’s palace, Yocheved acts as his “wet nurse.” The story is full of women breaking rules and kicking ass. And you’re going to kick ass too during your birth. Your body knows what to do. Many have done it before you, and the wisdom of generations of mothers and midwives lives in you.

When I was pregnant I had a Jewish midwife and she told me that she was once in a birthing room with a woman, her mother and her mother-in-law. She said “the three women in this room are all Jewish Women who have given birth. It wasn’t easy. But we did it. It’s not easy for you now, but you will do it too and you will join our ranks.” That birth went beautifully.

Transitions are never easy, in fact they are the hardest part

Thanks to Kohenet Annie Matan for recently reminding me that the moment of labor called “transition” is the hardest part. It’s when people often say “I can’t do this” and then, moments later, the baby is born. We are all in a hard transition now but beautiful things are being born from it, including people reaching out in kindness, new systems of social support, and more. In the Exodus story, the parting of the Red Sea is often read as similar to a birth — the opening of a watery passageway. That transition from slavery to freedom is hard-won but it is gorgeous. As you transition to being a mother or parent, you will find yourself surrounded by newness. It will be beautiful.

The Whole World is a Narrow Bridge

When I was about to give birth I mediated on the niggun (tune) “kol haolam kulo gesher tzar me’od” - meaning “the whole world is a narrow bridge. It continues, “veha’ikar lo lefached klal” - meaning “and the main thing is not to be afraid.” Of course, it is natural to experience some fear in childbirth, especially now. But the more you can fight fear with courage, with surrendering to what is, with letting go of expectation, the more you will experience relief. We are all walking a narrow bridge right now, but Jews have been through a lot in our history and we have come to the other side. So will you.

Draw on tradition

I help people build Jewish-inspired birth plans with Jewish birth art as focal points, cultural teachings, affirmations, meditations, songs, rituals and practices. There is a lot out there that can nourish and support you during your pregnancy and birth. I’m happy to speak to you if you want to know more. You can also visit: https://www.jewishdoula.ca/ to find out more.

Wishing you a beautiful Passover!

However you may be marking it this year, I hope the holiday provides you with meaning, beauty, joy, and inspiration as you head towards your own birth/rebirth. Exodus is the story of a birth of a people, and you are helping to further birth our nation now. It is sacred and beautiful. In the hardest moments, picture me, picture millions of women before and around you, breathing with you. You got this.

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Uniting mind-body-spirit in birth

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Birth workers know the power of the mind-body connection. When I was in labour, I used the skills I’ve learned in years of meditation to be able to zone in, work with my breath, and let my body do its thing. But the mind-body connection is incomplete without the spiritual dimension.


Some people use prayer in labour. Some tap into a belief in something they might call “source-energy.” Some do not pray but rather mediate, listen to music that grounds them, engage in cultural practices they learned from their own families and communities. Indigenous women may use a smudge. Some African cultures have an animal slaughtered on the day of the birth to symbolize abundance for the child and help nourish the mother. Whatever your spirituality, it’s worth considering how you might use it in labour or if you are supporting someone in labour.


There are a couple of practices that I find really beautiful that come from Judaism, but could be adapted for anyone, to help connect the mind-body-spirit. One is using the tradition of a prayer for healing. In Hebrew this is called the misheberach blessing. You name a person who is in need of healing (if they are sick or suffering) and you also name their mother. So it goes: ________ son/daughter of ____________. Traditional Jews say a special prayer for them but you could pray for them in your own way, or wish them healing and wellness, or you simply hold them in your thoughts. Some Jewish people will recite the misheberach while labouring. I love this idea because at the moment of your own struggle, the intensity of the experience of birth, rather than dwell on your own pain or pressure you focus outwards. This is a reminder that we are all part of a broader family of humanity and we all share in pain and pleasure, illness and wellness. It allows the person who is in labour to feel both connection and empathy for their broader community. This is so useful because often in labour people find it useful to remember that many others have been through this experience too. I’ve said and I know others have said to a woman in labour: “Women have done this throughout the ages. You can do this too.” I had a Jewish midwife who said she was in a birthing room with five generations of Jewish women. She said to the woman in labour: “all of these women are a reminder that your family and your Jewish community would not exist without the strength of Jewish women in childbirth.” Feeling ourselves to be part of a community is so useful because we can feel the support of that community in our time of need.


Another Jewish spiritual practice that I find immensely powerful for preparing for birth is similar to a blessingway found in other cultures. “Blessingways” is a term created by Navajo (Diné) women for their own pre-birth ritual. I use it in reference to, and incorporate some practices from, the book “Blessingways: A Guide to Mother-centered Baby Showers - Celebrating Pregnancy, Birth, and Motherood” by Shari Maser. Maser notes: “To me, Blessingway most aptly expresses the essence of these ceremonies. “Blessing” connotes spirituality and community connections and “Way” reminds us that every change is a process, an ongoing journey along the path of life.... When using the term Blessingway to describe this evolving ceremonial concept, let us remember to respectfully acknowledge and appreciate its sacred Diné heritage as our source of inspiration” (2). I find this practice of creating a ceremony for the prenatal mother to be a terrific way to incorporate spirituality in the pregnancy process, as a step towards incorporating spirituality in the labour and birth as well. Of course, my spin on it is Jewish. I respectfully and with gratitude adopt the cultural and spiritual practice of Navajo women for a Jewish context. 

 

What is a Blessingway? Women get together and provide physical acts of care for the pregnant person, surround her with love and well wishing. Perhaps they create affirmations, or some kind of birth anchor. The women in my life each added a bead with a special intention (in Hebrew we might call it a kavanah - a powerful spiritual word). These beads were strung onto a bracelet I used as a focal point in birth.


For my clients, I have created a version of the blessingway that can happen at a mikvah, which is a ritual bath. The mikvah is to be used for cleansing, sometimes after menstruation. I find this to be a practice that has sexist origins, but powerful possibilities. After suffering a pregnancy loss, I attended a mikvah, and created a ceremony to help me release my sadness and grief and allow me to move on. The idea of the waters being cleansing, like a baptism or other religious/cultural cleansing rituals, really helped me forge the mind-body-spirit connection. I had a water birth with my second child, and the connection to the waters was made spiritual for me because of that experience. I also have a mikvah ceremony to prepare for birth and/or for after birth to mark the transition and make it spiritually significant and recognized.

 

These are a few examples of how I bring spirituality into pregnancy and birth. I’d love to know other examples of spiritual practices that you find useful or meaningful. Feel free to leave me a comment to share yours. Whatever your experience as a person in labour or as a birth worker, I encourage you to find ways to bring the spiritual dimension of life into this very significant journey. We are whole beings and holistic birth needs to account for the mind, the body, and the spirit.

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This is what a mikvah can look like. You can also use any natural freshwater source that is running, like a stream. If you are not observant and are flexible on the rules, you can use a bathtub or swimming pool.